“We must increase our bust” and Other Lessons in Faith

“Why are you taking your purse to the bathroom?”

“Can you check me when I stand up?”

“Do you have anything on you?”

There should be zero surprise that in 2023, women still struggle with how open they should be about menstruation. Women have developed a coded language to maintain convention, refusing to say the quiet part aloud. And yet, there are fearless leaders among us looking to reclaim the word period and dispel the associated shame. Kelly Fremon Craig’s latest film Are You There, God? It’s Me Margaret ushers the next generation of girls into the throughs of womanhood while leaving menstrual stigma in the rearview. The film is an adaptation of Judy Blume’s novel of the same title. Originally published in 1970, the story follows 11-year-old Margaret Simon’s transition from New York City to the suburbs of New Jersey. She begins to understand the changes in both her body and belief system, diving headfirst into uncovering the truth about faith and womanhood.

I was given the opportunity to sit down with Fremon Craig and discuss her interpretation of Margaret and all the women in her life, who still captivate us over 50 years later.

Emily Holloway (EH): The book is dedicated “for my mother”. The film is just as much about Barbara’s story and Sylvia’s story. It’s also a comparison of Barbara, as a mother of a soon-to-be teen girl, versus Jan, Nancy’s mom, and what each’s approach to motherhood looks like. How did you draw inspiration for these very different views of motherhood and their individual parenting strategies?

Kelly Fremon Craig (KFC): First of all, the one big difference from book to screen is that I really wanted to expand Barbara and Sylvia. You know, I really wanted to dip into their lives more and feel around their own struggles, journeys, and experiences. All three generations are going through their own life transitions in tandem. It’s interesting that you bring up this question of these two different moms, in particular how they handle their daughters getting their periods, in particular Nancy’s mother. Nancy’s a tough character that you could like or dislike, but she goes through an arc. Part of what you see in that moment when she gets her period and her mom helps her, Nancy desperately wants a hug, but her mom is just about the mess and maybe the stain that it might leave on the dress. It’s not that her mom is mean. She’s just practical. And there’s a slight coldness where she really, really needs warmth.

EH: That’s exactly what I wrote down. I synonymized Jan with being cold, where Barbara was very warm. There’s nothing wrong with cold. But I think the coldness also did a good job defining why Nancy is the way she is. You did a really great job of not vilifying Nancy, because she’s still trying to figure it out as a preteen girl as well.

KFC: Both right. Yes, exactly.

EH: There was a quote in the book: “My mother says God is a nice idea. He belongs to everybody.” That drives home the different approaches to motherhood on two very intimate topics the film focuses on: having just your period and especially finding you faith. How valuable having a strong adult presence or guide can usher self-discovery. It was great that Barbara never put her religious opinions on her daughter. She allowed Margaret to figure out her religion.

KFC: Yeah, this is kind of a tangent, but part of the reason I really wanted to make the film was that I was really struck by Margaret’s spiritual journey and her spiritual curiosity. There was something about this kid, in the throes of puberty and feeling very uncertain about herself, where her whole world is changing. It made perfect sense to me that it’s at that moment that she’s reaching out for something greater. It’s like she’s trying to hang on to something solid. She wasn’t raised with a clear sense of what that might.

EH: There was no spiritual foundation for Margaret.

KFG: Yes, and I found it really beautiful that she doesn’t find God in these traditional places of worship. She finds the divine alone in her room. She’s talking to some truer, wiser part of herself, and maybe that’s God. I mean, I don’t know. That search is really beautiful and fascinating and also resonating for me, because I was around that age when I started to ask is there anybody up there? What do I think? How do I connect to something greater beyond? What do I have faith in?

EH: You said something there about truth. It’s one of the themes that I really tied onto. Margaret’s 4th rule in the boy book. Nancy for just about everything. How young girls will lie to get through the awkwardness of adolescence as self-preservation. As you’re figuring yourself out, you don’t know if it’s the full truth, but there’s also a fine line with flat out dishonesty. In developing these young characters, how did you balance their adolescent lack of knowledge versus the maliciousness of lying?

KFC: I’m always interested in characters screwing up and doing the wrong thing. I’m always interested in the pain underneath those actions. What insecurities drive you to lie or do something that that many of us could say isn’t right? I don’t know that anybody is just bad. I think people are in pain, they’re scared, and they act out.

EH: It taps into the characters’ humanity. These characters are learning, you’re learning with them. It plays nicely into the nostalgia of the film, drawing inspiration from The Virgin Suicides. The camp scene felt very Parent Trap for us millennials. The soundtrack gave me The Sandlot. As much as I expected this to be geared toward a very young audience, it becomes relatable across many generations.

KFC: That was a really big deal to us. This isn’t a film just for 12-year-old girls. It’s a film for everybody, for women, all ages. Men that get dragged to it are like, “Oh my God, I liked that. I can’t believe I liked that.” When we tested the film and brought in people off the street, we invited plenty of men to see what they what they thought. In our very last training, we tested 100% with the men. I think they’re surprised they relate and that they enjoyed it. For women and girls, we are used to watching male movies and male coming of age stories, and it’s fine. For some reason, it’s harder for a man or a boy to watch a girl movie, like there’s some hesitation. Oh, I can’t watch that.

EH: After last night’s screening, a young man who is about to have his first daughter said how much he enjoyed the film, even though he now has a host of reasons to be terrified of being a girl dad. So many audience members from different backgrounds had similar remarks.

KFC: In a lot of ways, it’s a credit to Judy Blume. It’s credit to the book she wrote she wrote in a way that was so timeless, it captures the experience of what it feels like to be that age this period of your life. It transcends time. It transcends race it. It just feels like it’s a universal truth for many people.

EH: Judy Blume sung your praises, stating “How many authors can say that the movie is better than their book?” This was her last book that she was holding on to. She did not want to turn over the film rights. There were restrictions on how she wanted Margaret’s story to be told. How does that make you feel as a writer to have such high praise from somebody like Judy Blume?

KFC: I am so overwhelmed. The highest compliment for me in the entire world. I’m still trying to process it. More than anything, I wanted her to feel proud of it. I wanted her to feel like it was a reflection of her work. I’m just so happy she’s happy.

EH: “Remarkable, passionate, funny and intimate”. Those were the four adjectives that she described your pitch to make the movie. If I could be described as those 4 adjectives, I’d call it a day.

KFC: Oh my God, I love. That I don’t even know that I heard that before. Thank you. I’m glad you read it to me. My God, I love it.

EH: Any books that you recommend for folks that want to follow up with Judy Blume. Anything for younger generations or even moms that are taking their children?

KFC: Everybody has to read Forever, by Judy. It’s a wonderful book about first love. I read it for the first time when I was 12, which was too young, because it’s pretty racy. But it’s wonderful.

EH: Awesome. I appreciate that. Thank you for having me.